Rachel’s living room smelled like stagnant smoke and dust. Rachel had given numbers to all the things that made her feel abandoned Rachel’s dog Gus was her only friend in the world and was the only one who was witness to the destruction Rachel’s life had become. Rachel had been married to scott but Scott had died in a car accident he had been driving in drunk with Rachel in the car. Rachel blamed herself for not taking the keys or otherwise stopping Scott from driving in that condition and wished she had died instead of him. But rachel has no memory of what really happened or of the last year of Scott’s and her marriage or life together. Scott has been dead 10 months and 2 days. The last time Rachel had a guest to her house was 4 months ago and it had been her mother. Yet it was 7 am and someone was knocking at her door. It was a man Rachel didn’t recognize and he was walking away. John Witzel had been the man at Rachel’s door, he was a utility worker after the bad storm that had just swept through. John thought Rachel was beautiful but left as he had a rule about women no dating outside of a bar. John could talk to women in a bar and they weren’t off limits to his rule. John had an ex fiance named Kelly thirteen months after they started together Kelly cheated with a coworker and it was six months before john’s and Kelly's wedding. Now John was finished with girls. Rachel tried to turn down the voices in her head that said she was a loser and she would never make it without her husband. Rachel was so lonely she couldn’t take it anymore. Rachel was a doctor and had a practice waiting for her. Scott’s best friend Dane was Rachel's partner in the practice. Rachel had a therapist who was trying to get Rachel to remember her lost memories of the year and the accident. Scott and Rachel had spent a lot of time with Dane and her therapist told her to ask Dane about that year but Rachel hadn’t talked to Dane recently. Now Rachel was drinking a lot herself to get through the day. Rachel had already attempted suicide but had been found before it was too late. Dane was already in love with Rachel and had stayed at her side as much as he could while she was at the hospital. Dane had been in love with Rachel since he had seen her at a bar, but Dane stepped back and let his best friend Scott go after and marry Rachel. But then Scott starting drinking a lot more until he fell into alcoholism. Rachel finds she has feelings for Dane but feels guilty about it. Rachel knows she must start living again and starts to find clues to what happened that night and the year before. She finds Scott was no saint as she goes on.
I liked this story and the plot . but at times this dragged for me. But my heart went out to Rachel as I am a young widow my husband's death was from a totally different reason but it takes a long time to get even halfway over it.. This story was very real to me in a big way just different circumstances but still the strong grief. It was sad that Scott became a different man as his alcoholism worsened. I loved how Dane was there for Rachel even when she didn’t want to live and was acting like Scott had been a great person and Dane knew that wasn't true. But this got a little confusing at times and also whatever happened to John? It was hard to tell what was in the past and what was in the present at times. This did keep your interest and turning the pages to see what would happen next. All and all a good read and I enjoyed how people who cared and loved rachel didn’t give up on her . i loved the characters and the twists and turns of this story. However I thought the ending was a little rushed but I still recommend.